“Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and
then wait to hear the answer”
“A friend should be one in whose understanding and
virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its
justness and sincerity”. Robert Hall
So huge a word it is. Hefty and great has it remained
since creation. Often times, people think they can have it in entirety. Of a
truth, it is something that everyone one on earth needs in its purest and
truest form. It is to individuals what any natural resource is to a nation,
indeed, it is natural. It was sent down to man to reflect the nature of God.
That word is friendship. It is a
divine gift to humanity. This entity has suffered so much from misconception,
thus, it now assumes a new image, name and its fame creates terror in the minds
of many who have tasted the warped side of its nature–what people have created
out of it. There are so many meanings given to it. Friendship springs from friend –somebody who trusts and is fond
of another. It also means a person you
know well and regard with affection and trust. Friendship therefore as a
child of friend is a relationship between two or more people who are friends. It involves mutual feelings of trust and affection and the
behaviour that typifies genuine features of friends. The painful reality is
that, horrifying experiences have constructed a negative reputation of
friendship in the psyche of people. Friendship comes with a lot of doubt. Many
people are irritated at the sound of friendship. The pronunciation of that
entity comes with anger and hatred to some, while others are indifferent about
it.
The love that should mirror friendship is broken –the
21th century idea of friendships dearths that love. Some of the opinions of
people include: “true friendship doesn’t exist”, “I can never trust my friend”,
“friends are shit”, “they come so nice, at the end they stab you”, “some
friends are parasites”, there is no gain in friendship”, “I don’t want
friends... I prefer to be alone”. If you have ever shared in the above
thoughts, then, you are like me. Also like me, you should think again. Ask
yourself these questions: can I be a friend to someone I don’t love? Can I
survive alone on earth? Why can’t I trust someone I call a friend? What kind of
friendship do I want? True friendship produces love, trust, affection,
compassion, assistance, sacrifice. True friendships breeds addition and
multiplication, it complements and supplements the lives of those that share in
it. It neither harbours contempt nor grudge. Genuine friendship resides in the
understanding of silence shared. True friends are there in times of adversity,
they help you relieve your gloom and sombre moments. Ulysses S. Grant agrees
with this when he said; “The friend in my
adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to
relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to ready enjoy
with me the sunshine of prosperity”. Though friendship has been smeared
with treachery, the solution lies in the re-orientation of the mindset of
people. It begins with you! The kind of friendship you want should be the kind
you give. There are no rules for friendships, but there are qualities of
friendship and should be found in a true friend, they are:
- Unconditional love: a
true friend should love unconditionally. He accepts you the way you are.
He knows your strengths and weaknesses. Such a friend loves you in good
and bad times believing that betters moments are ahead.
- Forgiveness:
friendships stems from forgiveness. It impossible to build friendship out
of the precinct of forgiveness. This is so because no one is perfect and
people will always make mistakes. A true friend should know how to
forgive, understanding that you never meant to hurt them.
- They don’t judge you: a good
friend never tries to judge your decisions. In life, there specific
decisions you’d take that may seem to raise eye brows. Some nasty people
in the guise of friendship will get irritated and cringe from you
especially when things get awkward. But a true friend does not judge, he
only tries to understand the reason behind your actions and tries to point
out the wrong move in a way that is pleasant and inoffensive.
- Friends motivate you: indiscriminate
judging is never an option in friendship. Though there are steps or paths
plodded that a true friend will judge to keep him or her in check, it must
be done logically. Sometimes you need someone to tell you; “hey, what are
doing?” “Do you think it’s right, why not try this?” He is always there to
motivate and spur you to action when you’ve tried and failed, when life
seems like a sisyphean contract – they never give up on you.
- Good friends keep your secrets:
one has to be careful in this aspect. Your secret(s) when whispered to the
wrong person can be your demise. Not everyone is capable of keeping
secrets. Be mindful and wary of garrulous friends, they most times say
things without even knowing they’ve said it. Good friends are those that
have a confidential file to everything you tell them in their hearts.
- Above all, they are people you
can always be ridiculous around: people who cannot condescend to your
antics are not worthy of your friendship. It involves accepting you the
way you are. Let’s take Tom and Jerry as an example; you may say Tom
always seeks to harm Jerry. But he only responds with a condign reaction
to Jerry’s antics. In most scenes, they are become friends after a long
tussle. The truth is, either of their lives won’ be complete without the
other. That how true friendship is, and should be.
Friends,
quality friends are rare to find, cherish the ones you have if they deserve it,
and if you don’t have yet, just open your heart to friendship bearing in mind
the qualities of a true friend, and the right person will come by.
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